I recently finished reading Mom & Me & Mom by Maya Angelou and I have a few thoughts about it. But I’m not gonna write about it here. I actually vlogged about it.
Before I get to the video, I thought I’d share a few things about making it. I launched my YouTube channel four years ago. I made it for fun. And I made roughly one video per year. “Roughly” because there was a year I didn’t make any. But it wasn’t for a lack of interest. It was mostly because, as I got older, I felt more protective of my personal life. So I just stopped sharing. But as someone who has always loved storytelling (I make a living out of it!), the urge to delve into making films (or videos) never really got away.
And then insecurity took over. I don’t think my work’s ever good enough. I’m so tired of hearing my voice and my thoughts. Why would people pay attention? Those are just some of the things I hear in my head whenever I consider picking up my camera and “creating content.”
I am able to produce content for my day job, but the thought of doing it for myself never really got away — even when the pang of insecurity was strong. So when the second half of the year started, I shook all the bad thoughts away and decided I’ll start again… until I told my daughter, who loves watching YouTube videos, about it.
My daughter, at a young age, is quite an empath. She’s also quite protective of me, for some odd reason. So while I understand where she was coming from, my heart still broke when she told me she’d rather not let me film myself and share my video to the Internet. “What if they dislike the video?” she asked. I almost cried. Not because it seemed like she had little faith in me but because I wasn’t sure where those thoughts came from. My daughter is 7 and she’s worried about strangers’ validation. It shouldn’t be that way.
After talking to her heart-to-heart, explaining why she shouldn’t care much about other people’s opinions, especially from those who do not know her, I realized all my words were empty. I feared the same thing. Children learn from what they see and not what you tell them, they say. So here we are.
I’m doing this because it’s something I’ve always wanted to do. I enjoy doing it. But I’m also doing this for my daughter. I’m going after what I want. I’m not hurting anybody. I don’t care if people like it or not. I like it, so I’m doing it.
Here’s my on-cam review of Mom & Me & Mom by Maya Angelou, which, come to think of it, could not have been more perfect a material to start with.